Lord Blackwood = Lord Jesus *Sherlock Holmes Spoilers Within*

Executed, buried in a tomb under guard, only to rise from the dead three days later. Sound familiar? The story is shared by both Jesus and Lord Blackwood in the newest rendition of Sherlock Holmes.

*Stop reading if you haven't seen the movie, or care that the movie is about to be ruined for you*

Lord Blackwood & Jesus

Of course, at the end of the movie we find out that Lord Blackwood is a farce and all of his "magical" accomplishments can be explained away with clever logical deduction and science.

Lord Blackwood uses his "magical powers" to gain followers (who admit that they have faith). He also uses fear of retribution (death) to ensure his followers' loyalty. His followers, as a token of loyalty, drink wine from a chalice. He uses his apparent power of resurrection to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is has supernatural powers.

Jesus uses his "magical powers" to gain followers (who admit that they have faith). He uses fear of retribution (hell) to ensure his followers' loyalty. His followers, as a token of loyalty, drink wine from a chalice. He uses his power of resurrection to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that he has supernatural powers.

Through the transitive property of fictional characters we can now establish a couple of things. Jesus is a farce and all of his "magical" accomplishments can be explained away with clever logical deduction and science. That is, according to the writers of Sherlock Holmes (I may have put a few words in their mouth).

In summary: epic win for Hollywood.

First Transgender White House Appointee

Amanda Simpson could be the first transgender person to be appointed by a U.S. president (nobody seems to know). Her new title is senior technical adviser in the Bureau of Industry and Security. She seems highly qualified, with 30+ years of experience in the security industry.

Amanda Simpson

Of course, the bigoted idiots see this as Obama's plan to "radicalize" the government. What part of dressing and acting the way you feel makes you a radical? I feel like a guy, so I dress like a guy, watch out I'm a crazy radical too! Does it really matter what I have in my pants?

Amanda is a crazy radical, but saying things like this is in no way radical and stupid:

1. Yes, I think this person is a freak and a deviant
2. Yes, Obama seems to scrape the bottom of the barrel to find the most deviant, radical, and insane people he can find and put them in positions of power

Thanks random crazy person, for making my hope for humanity die a little. I didn't realize the "bottom of the barrel" meant finding the most qualified person and appointing them regardless of their sexual identity.

Bigger, Longer, and Uncut

I just realized that this year is the tenth anniversary of the release of the South Park movie. I've been celebrating by listening to the sound track constantly.

This will probably be old news to most of you, but I only found this recently. During the movie making process, the MPAA gave some input so the movie would not gain the dreaded NC-17 rating (causing movie theaters not to show it). This is the memo that Matt Stone (one of the creators of South Park) sent to the MPAA, updating them on their progress:



Or the version you can actually read:

Here is our new cut of the South Park movie to submit to the MPAA. I wanted to tell you exactly what notes we did and did not address.

1. We left in both the "fisting" and the "rimjob" references in the counselor's office scene. We did cut the word "hole" from "asshole" as per our conversation.

2. We took out the entire "God has fucked me in the ass so many times..." It is gone.

3. Although it is not animated yet, we put a new storyboard in for clarification in the scene with Saddam Hussein's penis. The intent now is that you never see Saddam's real penis, he in fact is using dildos both times.

4. We have the shot animated that reveals the fact that Winona is not shooting ping-pong balls from her vagina. She is, in fact, hitting the balls with a ping-pong paddle.

5. We took out the only reference to "cum-sucking ass" in the film. It was in the counselor's office and we took it out.

6. We left in the scenes with Cartman's mom and the horse as per our conversation. This is the one joke we really want to fight for.

Call with any questions

Matt

P.S. This is my favorite memo ever.

This is my favorite memo ever as well.

Hands Off My Joojoo!

Formerly named the Crunchpad, Fusion Garage's new web browsing device, the "Joojoo" aims to take the market from the iPhone and iPod touch.

The Joojoo

You may not be able to tell from the picture, but the Joojoo is a gigantic (as compared to the iPod touch) 12 inches diagonally. If you're looking for a portable device, this probably isn't it.

I'm dying to know why they made the name change. I'll agree that Crunchpad isn't the most eloquent of names, but Joojoo? I'm feeling some antisemitism in this company. Pretty soon, everyone's going to want to "own a Joojoo". I thought we were past this.

What this device is good for:
Web browsing
and...
Well, that's pretty much it. It's operating system is a modified version of Linux that has been stripped of almost all functionality. Want to run an iPhone app? Sorry, no can do. Want to run any sort of Linux application? Again, sorry.

The final blow to the device is it's $500 price tag. Really? I'm not sure of anyone who is going to spend $500 for a web browser. Add some Linux functionality and I may be tempted, until then this looks like a fun toy for the rich.

(via CNET news)

East Coast Gay-Off?

The still too close to call mayor's race in Atlanta has turned, well, fabulous. With gay people compromising over 12 percent of the vote in Atlanta, there is a race to be the more gay candidate. It's time for you to decide:

Mary Norwood (left), Kasim Reed (right)

Mary is pro gay marriage while Kasim would only like to see civil unions. It's nice to see that even though America is violently homophobic sometimes that there are still some places where it's good to be gay.

So, it's up to you, who is more gay?

(via The L.A. Times)

Google is Taking Over the World

Google's new feature Sidewiki allows you to comment on every web page you come across. Thus proving that Google bought way more servers than it's ever going to use.

The feature is slated as a way to explain what a web page is about. I can't imagine that the comments are going to stay productive or in any way civilized. I can just imagine the shit storm that's going to happen on Answers in Genesis or any other controversial web page.

Click for Sidewiki's homepage

Good luck with the server overload Google.

It's Jesus!

He's appeared in pancakes and on doors. And he won't stop until we realize that he appears on arbitrary objects to make us feel better.

Jesus, or something.

It looks like the virgin Mary to me, or an alien (see the antenna cleverly disguised as steam holes). Mary Jo (the woman who discovered Jesus) says that "life is going to be good" and that this is proof that "he's listening". Maybe you're just bad at ironing clothes, and can't do it without burning them. But, of course, that's all God's plan too.

(via KansasCity.com)